We are proud to introduce you to Andy and Rita Lemons. They’re parents to Carter, Camilla, Campbell, CeCe and Caden. Their oldest three came through birth and then CeCe and Caden arrived through foster care. They live and minister as adoptive parents in Birmingham, Alabama.
 
TJ- Can you describe for us your family circumstances when you got into fostering?
 
Rita- Andy and I were both in our early 40’s and our biological kids were 13, 10 and 8 when someone announced in our Sunday School class that our church was going to host classes for anyone interested in learning more about becoming foster parents.
 
Andy - We discussed the opportunity (and challenges) with our kids at the time. We also took them to some of the training so they could understand what we were getting into as well as what we were asking of them.
 
TJ- What were some of your motivations to start fostering?
 
Andy- My favorite high school teacher was a foster parent. When I was a junior, they had 13 children, many of whom were adopted or foster children and he worked four jobs. I really admired him, his faith in action, and I think it planted this idea of caring for children besides those we might give birth to.
 
Rita- And I came from a broken family where I was raised by my grandmother. My grandmother was a safety net for my mother and I was very aware growing up that had it not been for that safety net my life would have been very different. I saw how families are fragile. You need a support system and most of the families we’ve seen just don’t have that sort of support system. I wanted to be a part of that.
 
Jenn- That’s really profound. When people find out we are foster parents, they sometimes respond by making the birth parents sound almost evil.  I try to explain we’re all one step away from it. It’s only by God’s grace we’re not in similar situations.
 
Rita- I agree! Of course you asked why we got into fostering, and everyone quotes James 1:27, but I do see caring for foster children as a natural outworking of my faith. We see it as a mission field—home missions.  We want to share Christ with the kids that come through our home, and we want to show God’s grace to hurting families. Ironically, we went through the training with a family who ended up going to Uganda to serve as missionaries. Their slogan, if you will, was “the grace to go.” We say God gave us “the grace to stay,” to step out in faith right here at home, to change our way of life and to minister to people right here in our community who need someone to come alongside them.
 
 
TJ- For every foster parent, after training and certification comes a “first placement.” What were some of the things you were praying during that first placement?
 
Andy- Sanity
 
Jenn- I like you already Andy!
 
Rita- It’s not an easy journey, as you well know! Our first placement was hard on all of us. He was three years old so we went from 0 to 60 miles per hour in a matter of moments. I found myself desperate for God in the everyday things. My biggest prayer was for practical wisdom - what were appropriate expectations for the child, how and where to set boundaries, how to answer the hard questions that break your heart when posed by a three-year-old and how to come alongside the birth family.
           As we prepared for the first placement, I prayed to see God’s grace in our life and that God would display His grace through our lives. God answered the prayer by exposing so much of our own sin. We had that little one for only three months, but it showed us even more how much we need a Savior, mercy, forgiveness and second chances. The child was a doll and a great kid, so it had nothing to do with him. It just exposed the depth of our selfishness and lack of willingness to die to self as much as anything. But Jesus’ grace is greater than our sin, and He faithfully gives us exactly what we need every step of the way. Seeing just how much we need His grace was a blessing.
 
TJ- What have been some of the greatest blessings you’ve experienced as foster parents?
 
Andy - Seeing our older kids take their eyes off of themselves and put them on someone else, and to do so willingly is nothing short of amazing as parents. When our youngest child wasn’t sleeping, our older ones just did things to serve, took on more responsibility, helped out when we were exhausted. They just stepped up.
            We hadn’t had Caden very long when my son Campbell who was about 12 at the time, asked, “What would it be like if we didn’t have Cece?” I paused, and before I could answer he said, “It’d just be terrible. She’s the happiest baby there ever was. She just makes our whole family better.” I also believe fostering and adoption has made all of us more sensitive to racial issues in a positive way.
 
Rita- I think for me, being apart of the community that fosters and adopts has been great. Caden had other siblings in foster care and we know three of his siblings and the families that adopted them. So we not only adopted children but we gained nieces and nephews in the process. We share life with these families.
 
Jenn- Is that something the court requested?
 
Rita- No, we pursued each other.  We were all with the same agency so we were aware of each other. We needed the community. The sibling set had very unique and difficult issues so we pursued it on our own.
 
Jenn- Did it start with phone calls or getting together?
 
Rita- All of that, phone calls, birthday parties, playground visits…we want them to grow up knowing each other. They are part of our family. They have known from the beginning who each other were. We refer to them as brothers and sisters even though they’re in different families.
 
Jenn- That’s beautiful. Loving by including their birth family shows that you all are in this to see redemption.
 
Rita- We want them to know Jesus’ love is unfailing. They have very imperfect adoptive parents (speaking on behalf of us!) but they have a perfect Heavenly Father who wants to adopt them into His family. That same perfect Father is the one who guides us and gives us the ability to love.
 
TJ- Can you tell us about the agency you foster with?
 
Rita- We were a part of Alabama Baptist Children’s Home when we foster parented. We’re no longer foster parents with them, but we’ve been brainstorming how to come alongside them to create support for adoptive parents of foster children. The support we received as foster parents was phenomenal— we attended an annual foster care camp where parents received continuing education and training while kids participated in VBS style activities, for example. After the second adoption we took a break from fostering, so we are not currently a part of that organization.
 
Jenn- I’m glad you’re speaking up about that because I think it’s a common flaw in system supports.
 
Rita- Unfortunately we’ve found that a lot of people think of adopting as adding another child to your family, but the problem is these children come from hard places and have unique issues. We love them just as we love our biological children but parenting them is very different than parenting our biological children. We want to help them achieve their maximum potential and love them in ways that are helpful to them. Love is not enough. It has to be a thoughtful, intentional, prayerful effort with education and support.
 
TJ- With CeCe and Caden you didn’t have to say goodbye, but we are frequently asked about goodbyes. With your first two placements, how did say goodbye?
 
Andy- Sometimes with big grins on our faces! The first one went to a biological relative and seemed like a good situation and we were really happy for him.
 
Rita-The second went home to a more questionable situation, but her mother pursued the child and that gave us encouragement. It’s not our job to fix it or determine outcomes. It’s just our job to get up and love today, dying to our selfish desires today. You know, I get pretty upset with people when they say they could never foster and say goodbye. What I say is what’s really difficult is dying to self everyday, to live in the good and the bad trusting that God is in control and has a plan. That’s harder honestly.
 
Jenn- I agree it’s an unpleasant experience when people respond to fostering and say they couldn’t do the goodbyes. I think most people ask it in trying to compliment or relate to you, but it comes across frustrating. 
 
TJ- It’s also kind of a selfish outlook: “I couldn’t do this because of the pain it causes me.” Well, what about the pain and loss the child is experiencing?   
 
Rita- Honestly, the goodbye helps us identify with the children’s loss. Once we dealt with a goodbye, we could relate that much more with the pain the kids are dealing with for our next placements. It’s a gift really.
 
TJ- How has fostering affected relationships within your family?
 
Andy- The first placement showed us how selfish we all were when the constant refrain was, “It’s not my turn!” But then after the initial shock to the system, fostering has created another way the kids can relate to each other and relate to us as parents. They feel a certain protective and strong emotion to our adopted kids as well as camaraderie with their siblings in serving together. It’s something that makes their family situation a little more unique.
             As far as relationship with God, having kids gave me a perspective about God’s role as Father. When we fostered and then adopted we’ve understood God’s truth in us as His adopted children. I see how kids sometimes fight against the system just as we resist God.
 
Rita- I thought I had faith before, but my faith was never really challenged in the way that this has challenged my faith. It’s caused me to be much more daily dependent. I don’t think I knew what that meant before.
 
Jenn- To hear you reflect on this is therapeutic for us. This feels so good.
 
TJ- And it’s not easy. You’re in the trenches.
 
Rita- It’s sanctifying and that process can be fairly ugly!  I think for me, fear is a real struggle. Fear that I’m not doing enough or I’m doing it all wrong. And it’s my faith that’s just got to grow because I keep falling into the mindset that “I have to do something,” where I’m really just a vessel. It’s something that’s flowing through me, not on my own. God has shown himself very faithful over the years.
 
Jenn- What advice would you give yourself if you went back in time with regards to fostering?
 
Andy- Start earlier.
 
Rita- I agree. For us, most of the challenges come because we essentially have two families with regard to age divide. We have a 19, 16, and 14 year old, and then a 4 and 3 year old. I wish we had done this while our own kids were younger.
 
Andy- Sometimes parenting teens and toddlers is the same and other times it’s vastly different. Seriously, we’d do it earlier. And not just because we feel older. Once we were exposed to the foster care system and the number of children in it, I think, “As long as you can take children in, why wouldn’t you?”
 
Rita- In the beginning I was very much focused on taking one step at a time and I think that sometimes the further you get into the process you forget to take one step at a time. That can seem overwhelming. In the beginning when we were doing the classes we hadn’t committed to anything. We just kept showing up, week after week to training. And then we would take the next step and the next step. So that’d be my advice, not to look at the big picture and try to see too far ahead, but just take the next step.
 
Andy- When we first started looking at it, we thought we would just do respite care for the “real” foster families.  We had also heard stories about people doing foster care to try to adopt, but that never really crossed our mind. We were older and that just wasn’t what we had in mind.
             Then CeCe felt like ours. And Caden. We didn’t want their story to be, “You were in foster care like all of your siblings, and then you jumped from this placement to that placement because your foster parents wouldn’t adopt.” So adoption was the next right thing in our minds.
 
Rita- People talk about taking leaps of faith but, for us, it has really been a step-by-step process of trusting and believing God will provide what we need even though we can’t see how in the world that’s going to come about. And that’s really the case with every child we have—not just foster or adopted. We just think we have more control over biological kids!
 
TJ- What a good reminder that everything we have is God’s.
 
Rita- With birth children and foster and adopted children, God writes their stories. And it’s freeing really. I can advocate for an outcome but I don’t have the responsibility for it.
 
Jenn- There’s a beautiful sense of surrender you two have to the Lord. I know you’re feeling stressed, or imperfect, but it’s in those times that Jesus shines through. You’re clearly ambassadors for Him and we’re grateful for your service.
 
Please take a moment to thank God for the Lemons family and ask His blessing upon their family.
 
 

The following interview is transcribed from a phone conversation we had together. It'll read more like a conversation, so give us grace in our grammar. ;)

Jenn - Thank you for your willingness to be pioneers in our venture to share stories of foster parents! First, can you please describe for us your life circumstance before fostering?

Jay - Before fostering and after fostering, our daily life really isn’t much different. Fostering has added to what we do, and it’s provided our family a focus. I’ve come to realize that families need a ministry field as a family…together. I wish I had known earlier in fatherhood--in couple-hood--to have a unified family focus! Each focus is different, but this is where our family is supposed to be.
 
Stephanie - All of this ‘together in ministry’ has been a positive experience for our family. When we started fostering, we had two children, whom we home-school. Jacob was 12 and Kate was 7. My dad lived with us in an attached apartment, and joined us for evening meals. He was, and still is, very much a part of our family. Jay worked full time as the president of an engineering firm. We were busy but we had room for more. And when God called us, we were compelled to respond. So when Southside (our church), announced that foster care would be a new ministry within the church, we knew right away that God wanted us in it.
 
TJ - That’s really cool. People often express hesitations about fostering while they have biological kids. How did you approach the situation? 
 
Stephanie - I took my dad to dinner, just he and I, and I said, ‘Dad, here’s where God is leading us as a family. Would you join us in this ministry? Will you help us love and accept foster kids?’ He was so excited. My brother was adopted through foster care when he was three, so my dad had been through this before and fully accepted our plan.

We then took the kids out to dinner and we started out just talking about God’s plan for family. We talked about how God designed the family, what the roles in family are, and how they complement each other. Then we reminded them of countless kids that don’t have a family. We shared James 1:27 and similar verses and expressed that we could be that temporary family to the orphan. The kids were beyond excited!  

Both of them requested we keep the children younger than them, which we had already determined to do, but it was neat to hear it come from them…that this was a concern of theirs.  So once everyone was on board with this as a family ministry and how our family would serve the Lord, we jumped into training.
 
Jay - We’ve always fostered infants and toddlers, then transitioned to being a Caring Home, where babies come to us during their first ten days while waiting to go to their adoptive family.* Our kids love these temporary siblings and are fully engaged and involved in their care.
  
Stephanie - They deal with it beautifully. After every baby we’ve kept, we have the conversation with our kids that although this child will never remember you, you will always remember this child. We stress to them that what they are doing is really a service unto the Lord as much as it was to the children. To see Jacob & Kate rise to the occasion knowing that the kids will never remember them has grown their hearts in amazing ways. Jay and I have enjoyed witnessing it. They now have a totally different perspective from their relatively comfortable, cushy lives.
 
*In Georgia birthmothers have a 10-day revocation period to consider their decision to place their baby for voluntary adoption. The Maupins care for the baby during this time. They’ve even arranged for adoptive parents to stay nearby at a friend’s guest home while legal work is processed. They work with An Open Door Adoptions to create a “Gotcha Day” celebration, capturing in video the moment the parents meet their baby.
 
Jenn - Can you tell us a story about one of your children or their parents?
 
Jay - The Adam* story (*not his real name for privacy) is probably my favorite. He was our first foster baby, who came to us in DFCS custody. A year later, the parents’ rights were being terminated. We had loved and raised this baby from nine days old to 12.5 months. His birthparents were fighting for the right to adopt him into the agency of their choice, with a couple they chose. And we supported them in this effort 100%. We walked into a courtroom not knowing which way the Judge was going to decide. Would she honor the parents’ wishes to place Adam with a private adoption agency or would the Judge keep the child in the DFCS system and terminate rights? In the latter case, our family had determined that we would step in and adopt him ourselves.
 
Jenn - Whew! And I’ll chime in here to say, I remember you all helped the parents become aware that they could go with a private Christian adoption agency and choose the parents, rather than have Adam linger and risk his future placement with DFCS. So it’s not like you were trying to keep him from them. You all loved these birth parents so well and helped them understand their options.
 
Jay - Yes, and by the time the Court date arrived, we had met the adoptive parents a couple times to introduce them to Adam and share details about his life to ease the transition. But that day we walked into the courtroom knowing it was someone else’s decision whether we were going to be parents of this baby we’d had since birth.
 
Stephanie - It was rough. Probably the worst day of our lives as far as the not-knowing. In our county, the juvenile judges notoriously didn’t want parents to have say in where their children went. Adoptions were closed when working with DFCS. These birthparents wanted to know that their son was in a good home…a Christian home. We wanted the same. So we prayed. We poured prayer over this judge. Had friends pray for this judge. And He listened and softened that Judge’s heart to allow these parents to choose a Christian family for their son.
It was as though God blew those doors open…that this could even happen in our county was a miracle. The judge had decided on behalf of the birthparents!
 
Jay - Immediately after court was over, we said our goodbyes to “our” baby, walked over to the agency’s caseworker, and handed him over. She then carried him hundreds of miles away to the home of his adoptive parents. And he was gone.
 
Stephanie - It was horrible. And I mean it was the u-g-l-y cry. But it was right. We knew that we had a clear decision from God, and that’s what we had to go with. 
What’s so striking about that scene is that since then we have become really good friends with that adoptive couple— to the point where we stay with each other some weekends! They’re an extension of our family. One time the adoptive mother and I were chatting and reflecting where we were on Mother’s Day of that year, just a few months before Adam’s court date.

For me, I was moved during a video at church about Mother’s Day, feeling uncertain about how the case would end, praying for the birth and adoptive parents, but also not knowing how we would go through with letting him go. I absolutely lost it, sitting there with my daughter and a friend.

Adam’s adoptive mother later shared with me that she was sitting at church as well on Mother’s Day, when their pastor announced that their church was going to gift a family with funding for their adoption. They were called forward and prayed over and they recognized God’s hand in the whole process. When we saw how God was working behind the scenes—He was so in it the ENTIRE time. That has been beautiful and comforting. And now we get to see Adam, just like he’s a nephew! All I can compare it to is like Jesus adopting us into His family.
 
Jay - All the other cases have been like this as well, and grown our family—we stay in touch with most every one in some way. We are remote but we get to see them grow and we visit. We’ve had 14 foster children now.
 
TJ - What were you praying for in this situation? 
 
Jay- For God’s will to be done. That’s the long and short of it. The judge had only been on the bench a few months, and new judges in particular don’t like to set precedence, so we really didn’t know which way the case would go. Adam could’ve very easily been our son, but we also had met the adoptive parents and knew that he would be loved. We wanted it both ways.
 
Jenn - Wow. That takes incredible surrender. What are y’all currently up to with this ministry?  
 
Jay - Over the last year or so we tried adopting four different siblings groups but that door kept shutting. As the last opportunity just came to an end, a job opening came for an Adoption Counselor at “An Open Door Adoptions.” It became apparent, and now official, that this was just right for Stephanie.  While we’re still working out with God, ‘Why would you bring us this far and then have an adoption not work out?’ We also see how He showed us the other side of things and prepared her for ministry with birthmothers.
 
Stephanie - The adoption counseling involves two facets. First, when a birthmother decides to voluntarily surrender her child for adoption, I counsel her in selecting the right family and how that relationship with that family will look. I help her get to doctor appointments and even act as a birthing coach if needed! Second, if her decision is to parent her child, we help with resources and training to help her be the best parent possible. We provide mentors, schooling access and enrollment, and physical needs like clothing and diapers. We want to set her up for success! Obviously, we are pro-life, but we can’t just say we are pro-life and not act on it or support it.
 
Jenn - When I hear where God is currently leading your family, I absolutely see this path He has brought you on. If you could time travel back to when you first trained, what advice would you give yourself?
 
Stephanie - Sleep! If you don't have a placement, just sleep! Especially taking newborns only. I would also say, don’t be so timid. As much as we trusted God, we were timid about the boundaries we placed on the children. I would now say, “Send us any child you have.” The children we have cared for have been the right fit for us, but we could’ve gone a step further in our trust.
 
Jay - I would say, “Just do it. It’s going to be awesome. Just go with it. Don’t worry so much. It’ll be all right.' I’m an engineer and I overthink things a lot!

Jenn - What’s something you’ve learned from your time fostering that you want people to know?
 
Stephanie - The thing that comes to mind for me is when we were first placed with Adam, and we met with his parents. They were angry, and in their anger thought that DFCS wanted their baby because he was a white, adoptable male. If a biological parent is reading this, I would want them to know that our purpose as a foster family is never to take a child from their parents. Our purpose in this is to try to heal the family, and show them God’s design for family. We want to help rebuild the family from the ground up. Maybe for a family that means a child needs to go live with someone else for the parents to get their feet under them. I dare say that most foster families want gave this purpose in their hearts too. The best scenario is the Lord will step in and heal this family.

Sometimes that doesn’t happen, and in that case there has to be another option, and that is adoption—which is also a beautiful thing. I would want to reassure parents that your kids enter the system because workers genuinely want to see you rebuild and come back better and stronger.
 
Jay - Some cases are heartbreaking because of the sheer sadness of the situation. One child that returned to his mother died a few months later. We’ve only just found out. We’ve had other cases that have returned home to their parents and they are healthy and strong. Still other families are made complete with this child we put in their arms. It’s an amazing privilege to hand a family a child.
 
Stephanie - It’s a privilege whether it’s the biological or adoptive family. We’ve been in both positions where we’ve been in the middle of court where the Judge decides this family is ready to have their child at home. And it’s a celebration to know these parents have done everything they can to get their child back, and it’s a win. Others, we’ve celebrated with newly adoptive parents. The goal is to get the child into a healthy environment, and God decides that. Our family is just one of many foster families -- the implements -- He uses to build strong families. We want to continue being that vessel and light for Him!

Thank you for sharing your story, Jay and Stephanie!